We're Stuck Inside this Salted Earth Together
by Diamond Rose Black
Summary: This is a Destiel end!verse. The title is inspired by the song Watch Me Bleed by Scary Kids Scaring Kids (beautiful song, by the way - you should totally listen to it). Assuming Zachariah had never sent Dean into the future as a warning, this is an account of the events leading up to the final confrontation. This is a story of Dean and Cas and their final years on a dying earth.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This was originally supposed to be about a 5000 word-ish oneshot type thing but it's already over 6000 and I'm nowhere near the end! So this will take a few parts before it's complete. But I hope you enjoy this! It's my first end!verse. **

October 15, 2009

It was getting colder. Dean could feel it. It wasn't the normal chill of Autumn. It was a deeper cold. A cold that reached your bones. A cold that threatened to snap your bones. A cold that threatened to snap everything.

Dean's phone rang.

"Hello? Cas? That you?"

"Guess again!" a perky voice sang from the other end.

"Zachariah," Dean growled.

"You don't sound very happy to hear me," Zachariah pouted. "I was wondering if you had reconsidered our offer. You have the chance to save the world, you know."

"I know," Dean snarled. "And the way to save the world is not by selling my body to some dick angel so he can blow up half the planet. The answer's no, Zachariah."

"You will regret this, Dean," Zachariah said sorrowfully before Dean hung up and flung his phone against the wall.

December 27, 2009

Castiel stared out the window of the motel room while Dean slept. He was constantly with Dean now to protect him from any unwanted angelic company.

Castiel didn't mind. He liked being with Dean. But it wasn't as easy as it used to be. Times were getting harder. They were always on the run and hiding. They were always changing cell phones and credit cards. They were always looking over their shoulders and sleeping with one eye open.

Figuratively, of course. Castiel was an angel. He didn't need sleep.

Castiel turned abruptly when he sensed another presence flinging itself into the room. He didn't have time to react before Zachariah was standing next to Dean's sleeping form, smiling absently at Castiel.

"Dean," Castiel warned.

Dean sprung to life and whipped a gun out from under his pillow and pointed it at Zachariah. Not that it would do any good, but Castiel applauded Dean's reflexes nonetheless.

"No need to be alarmed," Zachariah said calmly, holding up his hands. "I just came to talk."

"How did you find me?" Dean asked sharply, not lowering his gun.

"I have plenty of human spies, Dean," Zachariah explained slowly. "Nevertheless, it doesn't matter. You know what I came here to ask."

"Yeah and you still know my answer," Dean replied. "Now go."

"Dean, I can't let you keep saying no," Zachariah said tiredly.

"Leave, Zachariah," Castiel growled, stepping forward. "There's nothing for you here."

"Castiel," the other angel said softly. "Surely you can't be so foolish as to believe there's another way this can go. This needs to happen, Castiel. Now if you could encourage your human to cooperate-"

"There's ALWAYS another way," Dean rumbled. He rose from the bed and inched his way toward Castiel. "Get out of here, Zachariah. I'm not gonna ask again."

"Dean, I can't let you get away from me, you understand," Zachariah said, a regretful and falsely sympathetic tone coating his voice.

But Castiel and Dean had been slowly and discreetly inching closer to each other until Castiel was near enough to swiftly touch his fingers to Dean's forehead and fly them to safety.

It looked like they would be staying away from civilization as much as possible now that Zachariah had spies.

April 17, 2010

"Dean, I can't -"

Dean heard Castiel's panicked voice calling to him from the other room in the abandoned cabin.

"Cas, what's wrong? You can't what? Cas?"

"Dean, my grace is... I can't... this wound, Dean, I can't heal it."

Dean looked at the small paper cut on Castiel's index finger.

"Well, Cas, that's not really a huge deal. I mean, it's a cut. It's not gonna kill you, man."

"Dean, you don't understand. My grace is fading. I'm falling, Dean."

Dean's eyes widened.

This was so much bigger than a paper cut.

September 9, 2010

Castiel was sleeping.

Dean stared out the window of the deserted shed they were currently squatting in. Castiel couldn't heal things anymore. He slept. His hair had started to grow.

Dean knew how hard this must be for him. And he knew it was all his fault. Castiel was falling and it was all because Dean couldn't figure out how to save the goddamn world no matter how hard he tried.

They were no closer to finding the colt, Cas was getting more human everyday, and they were constantly on the run lest Zachariah show up and force Dean into saying yes.

Dean sighed and turned to peer at his best friend.

Castiel was still sleeping.

March 29, 2011

Castiel could barely feel his grace.

His whole being used to flow with the electricity of it and now he could only feel a tiny hum near his heart if he concentrated intensely. And concentrating intensely made him tired.

He and Dean had fallen into a routine. They would squat somewhere secluded for a few days, stealing food or hunting animals when they were in wooded areas. After a few days in one place, they would pile into the impala and drive somewhere new.

Castiel could feel Dean losing hope just as surely as he himself was losing his grace.

Castiel ran a hand over his slumbering friend's forehead and wished he still had the ability to gift him with a dreamless sleep.

But there wasn't much that Castiel had left to give at this point.

November 30, 2011

Dean had taught Castiel how to drive. So it was Cas who was at the wheel when their cheap cellphone rang from the space in between them.

They looked warily at each other. They hadn't received a call in over a year.

"Hello?" Dean said hesitantly.

"Dean."

That was a voice Dean had not been expecting.

"How did you get this number?" Dean asked, squeezing his eyes shut.

"It doesn't matter," Sam said. "Dean, I just needed -"

"I can't, Sam. We can't. I'm sorry," Dean said, before snapping the phone shut and flinging it out the window.

Dean felt tears spill over and out onto his cheeks.

Castiel didn't say anything.

They kept driving.

January 4, 2012

Sam Winchester stared at the pitch black sky as he walked along the deserted street in Detroit, Michigan.

Tears streamed down his face as he shouted into the air, "Lucifer! Do you hear me? I say 'yes', alright? I'll be your vessel. Yes."

March 12, 2012

It was getting even colder. If Dean had thought the world was cold two years ago, it was nothing compared to how cold the world was now.

Dean and Castiel were huddled together by a fire in a small clearing in the woods somewhere in the middle of North Carolina.

Dean could feel Cas's humanity. He could see it. He knew there was some angel mojo in him somewhere, but for all intensive purposes, he was human now. He got tired. He got hungry. He got cold. He showed emotion. He was just as human as Dean now.

And it was all Dean's fault.

He felt Cas shiver beside him. He put his arm around the falling angel and tucked the angel's head against the warmth of his own neck. He felt Cas's nose nuzzle against his collarbone.

Dean tried not to think of this as cuddling but, well, it kind of was. And they did this a lot now.

The world was so fucking cold.

Dean and Castiel had gotten close these last few years. Cas was falling and Dean was there to teach him how to be human. Dean was falling in a more figurative way and Cas was there to keep his chin up and his heart light.

Cas wasn't Sam and Dean missed Sam, but Dean didn't need Sam right now. He and Sam couldn't do this together.

As it was, Cas was the best thing Dean could hope for right now.

He didn't even know why Cas was still here with him. Dean had absolutely no idea what he was doing, but Cas was following him anyway. He could've tapped out a long time ago, but he chose Dean and, for that, Dean was infinitely grateful.

Dean rested his chin on Cas's head and stroked Cas's arm with his fingers. He felt Cas sigh.

"Dean?"

"Yeah, Cas?"

"The world feels wrong."

Dean chuckled humorlessly. "Well yeah. When did you figure that one out, Sherlock?"

Cas shook his head and shifted up to look Dean in the eye. "No, I mean, more wrong. These last couple months... it feels like it's coming to an end. Really soon."

Dean frowned and looked up at the sky. "How do you think it'll end? Fire and brimstone? Zombies?"

Cas followed his lead and peered at the stars as well. "Some say the world will end in fire, some say in ice. From what I've tasted of desire, I hold with those who favor fire."

Dean quirked his eyebrow. "That a Bible verse or something?"

Cas smiled and shook his head. "No. Robert Frost."

Dean nodded. "Ah. Do you agree with him? About the fire?"

Cas sighed. "It's a metaphor, Dean. Frost meant that people's passions are like a fire and it destroys them. He means that people's feelings and desires are what really turns the world in the wrong direction."

Dean furrowed his brow. "Yeah? What do you think?"

Cas tilted his head and turned his eyes away from the sky in favor of looking at Dean instead. "I think human passions are the only thing keeping the world from ending."

"Do you think I can stop this, Cas?"

"I don't know, Dean. But I know we'll try."

"Gentlemen."

Dean and Cas both sprung into action as a figure appeared before them on the other side of their fire. In less than a second, Zachariah had two guns pointing at him.

"How did you find me?" Dean asked icily.

"It doesn't matter," Zachariah replied. Dean detected a slouch in Zachariah's posture and a dimming in his eyes that he had never seen before. "This is the last time you boys will be seeing me. I've come to ask you one more time, Dean. Will you or will you not save your world and allow Michael to use your body as a vessel?"

"Can't you take a hint?" Dean hissed. "The answer's no."

Zachariah sighed.

"Zachariah," Castiel said. "What do you mean 'this is the last time we'll be seeing you'? Is heaven giving up?"

"We're just being reasonable, Castiel," Zachariah sighed. "Dean is clearly not up to the role and Lucifer has already inhabited his vessel and the world is fading."

"Wait," Dean said. "Lucifer's vessel? You mean..."

"Sam Winchester, yes," Zachariah said softly. "Two months and eight days ago. In Detroit."

Dean felt his heart clench. He felt his lungs collapse. He felt his brain jolt.

"Doesn't change anything," he said, blinking back tears. "Now scram. I'll be glad if I never see your feathery ass again."

"Goodbye, Dean," Zachariah murmured, before disappearing from the clearing.

Dean felt Castiel's arm around him and all he could think of was Zachariah's face. It was a wary face. If the angels were giving up, how did Dean stand any kind of fighting chance in this war?

Dean shivered.

God, the world was fucking cold these days.

June 21, 2012

Even though Castiel could barely feel his grace, he could still tap into what little he had left if he tried really hard. He used to be able to feel the wings of his brothers and sisters soaring around on earth whenever he cared to listen.

Today when he peered into his grace, he heard silence.

"Dean," Castiel murmured into the darkness in the backseat of the impala where they were both attempting sleep.

"Yeah?"

"The angels are gone."

September 10, 2012

When Castiel felt confident that the angels weren't going to come for Dean anymore, they decided to venture back to civilization and see what state the world was in. So they headed for the nearest city: Chicago.

They drove into the city and nothing seemed out of the ordinary other than the deafening chill that had inhabited the world lately.

They drove around a bit then checked themselves into a motel. It was late. Dean flung his duffle bag on the floor and collapsed onto a bed.

Castiel contemplated the other bed but it was cold so he crawled next to Dean instead. Dean didn't object.

Castiel woke up the next morning burrowed comfortably against Dean's side. For the first time in days, he felt warm. He felt Dean's legs twisted around his own and Dean's arms forming protection against the rest of the world.

Castiel sighed contentedly and pressed a soft kiss to Dean's warm neck.

He didn't know why. He just did it.

Castiel startled when he heard a scream coming from outside the motel, on the street. The first scream was followed by many more until the sound was deafening.

Castiel leapt up and felt Dean coming to life right behind him. The two of them clamored to the window and peered through the curtain.

There was a clump of people chasing the rest of the civilians mercilessly. I didn't make sense to Castiel until he watched one human overtake another and viciously maul him. The amount of blood was astounding.

Castiel's eyebrows rose and he and Dean looked at each other.

"Croatoan virus," Dean whispered.

"It's starting."

December 5, 2012

Castiel woke up in the middle of the night feeling light and empty. It wasn't an unpleasant feeling, but it was odd.

He stretched and noticed that his back felt strange.

He sat bolt upright and a strangled noise escaped his throat.

His wings.

Dean looked up from a few feet away, where he was keeping watch. "Cas? Everything okay?"

Castiel clamped his hands over his ears and closed his eyes, trying to concentrate and feel his small pool of grace.

He couldn't find it.

It was gone.

So were his wings.

January 19, 2013

Dean had decided that they needed to find Bobby. If anyone would know what to do in a zombie apocalypse-like situation, it would be Bobby.

So he and Cas had clamored into the impala and driven quietly on back roads until they reached Sioux Falls, South Dakota.

Today, Dean finally pulled into Bobby's salvage yard with Cas in tow. After parking, Dean and Cas cautiously got out of the car and grabbed a gun each, warily inching up to Bobby's door, praying he didn't shoot them on sight.

The door flung open before they could reach it and Bobby emerged, holding two pistols, one pointed at Dean and one at Cas.

"Dean? Angel Boy? That really you?"

"Yeah, Bobby, it's us," Dean said, relief washing over him. He'd been so worried that Bobby wouldn't be here.

He and Castiel put their guns down and inched toward the door, where they were abruptly assaulted with holy water.

"Thanks for that," Dean grumbled, smirking in spite of himself at the nonplussed look on Cas's face.

"Sorry," Bobby said. "You can never be to careful. Where you boys been?"

"It's a long story, Bobby," Dean said, as he and Cas collapsed onto the couch together, exhausted.

"I got time," Bobby said, wheeling over. He raised an eyebrow when he noticed how Castiel leaned so comfortably into Dean, but didn't otherwise comment.

Dean cleared his throat awkwardly and nudged Cas over a little bit. "Well, uh, it's been a few years, hasn't it?"

"Damn right it has," Bobby said accusingly.

"Sorry. Thing is, we kinda had to go under the radar. I had angels riding my ass about the whole vessel thing. They were kinda persistent. We had to basically completely cut ourselves off from civilization to keep away. Then Cas here started losing his mojo. About a year ago, Zachariah showed up saying it was gonna be the last time he asked and I still said no. He told me Sam had said yes to Lucifer then he left. A few months ago, we were in Chicago and we saw the Croats. Then we made our way here."

"Sam said yes?" Bobby asked quietly.

"Yeah," Dean said, clearing his throat and looking away.

"And you," Bobby said, nodding at Cas. "You as human as the rest of us now?"

Dean saw Cas shift uncomfortably. "Yes," he said.

Dean remembered the night that Cas had lost the last of his grace and his wings. They didn't talk about it ever again. Cas had cried all night and Dean had been helpless to do anything but hold him and rub soothing circles over Cas's skin with his fingers.

Bobby spared them both a sympathetic look before getting down to business. "Well there's a camp of survivors called Camp Chitaqua a few miles from here. They're pretty clueless and they could use a couple in-the-know brains up there to keep 'em straight. I been helpin 'em, but I ain't quite what I used to be." He gestured toward his wheelchair.

Dean nodded. "Just tell us where it is."

Bobby gave them directions and fed Cas a can of beans because he claimed Cas looked "skinnier than that scrawny kid on that Scooby Doo show."

Then he ushered them both out to the impala. In the doorway, Dean turned and bent down to give Bobby a hug.

"It's good to see you, Bobby."

Bobby clapped him on the shoulder. "You too, son." He glanced over at Cas who was now leaning against the impala and staring up at the sky with his wide and too-bright blue eyes.

Dean realized how different Cas must look to Bobby now. He had lost his old tax accountant get-up somewhere along the way and was now dressed in worn jeans and a jacket similar to Dean's. Everything was too big for him and, yeah, he did look kind of scrawny. His hair had grown in a very haphazard manner and he had a rather scruffy beard thing going on.

Dean felt a strong surge affection for the fallen angel, seeing him standing there staring up at the sky, still with Dean after everything they'd been through.

"You look after your Angel Boy, alright Dean?"

Dean flushed and nodded. "See ya, Bobby."

"A group usually comes up to me for supplies and such every few days, so I better see you boys soon, you hear me?"

"We hear ya," Dean smiled.

He headed to the car and patted Cas's knee when he got there, breaking Cas out of his reverie.

"Come on, buddy, we're going camping."

Cas rolled his eyes and slunk over to the passenger's side, getting in.

And so they drove off to Camp Chitaqua.

March 28, 2013

Adjusting to life at Camp Chitaqua was both easier and harder than Castiel had expected.

It was easier than expected because with Dean's leadership, the group of about 50 (which included, ha, none other than ex-prophet Chuck Shurley - small world) was actually pretty organized. Bobby knew exactly where to send people for supplies and Dean knew exactly how to plan for supply runs. He knew how to train people and he knew how to keep people calm and focused.

It was harder than expected because the realization that Castiel was human was finally settling in. When it was just him and Dean on the road against the world, it hadn't been so bad. He could focus on Dean and his dwindling grace wouldn't seem like that much of a problem. Here, Castiel was realizing that he was just as human and useless as everyone else.

He had to be trained how to fight like a human, just like everyone else. Granted, he learned about ten times faster, but still.

And he really missed things being just him and Dean. It was easy and simple and comfortable. Well, as easy and simple and comfortable as the end of the world can be. It wasn't a fun existence, but it was a doable existence. And it was theirs.

Here at Camp Chitaqua, everyone wanted and needed Dean. And Castiel understood. He knew that they needed a leader, and he knew of no one better suited for the job than Dean Winchester.

But still. He missed having Dean to himself. He missed being able to curl into Dean at night because the world was cold.

And now the world was still cold - maybe even colder than it'd ever been - and he had no one to keep him warm anymore.

Dean didn't have that problem.

Ever since they'd arrived, Dean had a new, pretty bedmate almost every night.

Dean and Castiel shared a cabin, but Dean was never there.

Castiel missed him.

But at least he still had Bobby.

Every time a group of people went up to Bobby's, Castiel made sure he was in that group. Sometimes he even went up there by himself. Bobby had become a friend to him. A good friend.

It was Bobby who showed Castiel that he was in love with Dean.

About a month ago, Castiel had walked into his and Dean's cabin to find Dean in bed with some tiny blonde girl (Kiley maybe? It didn't really matter). The sight had made his heart twinge and his stomach drop and he'd felt saddened, so he had turned around and walked right back through the doorway.

He had shoved his hands into his pockets and stared up at the sky. He had felt tears springing into his eyes and threatening to spill down his cheeks and he hadn't even known why.

He had decided to go down to see Bobby, even though going alone wasn't generally encouraged.

He had figured Dean wouldn't care, though, seeing as he was otherwise occupied.

By the time Castiel had pulled into Bobby's salvage yard, the tears were running down his face. He still didn't know why. It was intriguing. This had never happened before. Not like this. But it hurt. Inside. And he didn't like it.

He had gotten out of the car and rapped the special knock on Bobby's door.

"I wasn't expecting anyone today," Bobby had said, when he opened the door. Then he had caught sight of Castiel's tear-streaked face. "Son, you okay? Is everyone okay? What's wrong?"

"Everything's fine," Castiel had said, wondering why he had come here. "I just - I wanted to be somewhere. That wasn't there."

Bobby's face had softened. "Come in, son."

Castiel had walked in, hands shaking. Bobby had motioned him to sit on the couch and then Bobby had gone into the kitchen. He came back with two beers.

"Now, don't tell anyone I got these. They're from my special stash and if people know I got 'em, they'll want 'em for themselves."

Castiel had smiled. He was growing to notice how Bobby had started to treat him like family. Like the way he treated Sam or Dean.

"So, mind telling me what's got you all bothered?"

Castiel had opened the beer and taken a swig. It had been stronger than he'd remembered. He guessed that had something to do with his newfound humanity.

"I actually don't know. I just saw something and I got upset."

"What did you see?" Bobby had asked, downing his own beer.

Castiel had blushed and shifted uncomfortably. "In our cabin, Dean was making love to a girl and it upset me."

A look of understanding had flitted onto Bobby's face. "Okay, first things first. Cas, we don't say "making love", especially in reference to what Dean does. There's nothing loving about that."

Castiel had cocked his head. "I don't understa-"

Bobby had held up his hand. "Yeah, well I think I do." He had paused. "Do you... did you and Dean ever... were you and Dean ever... did you ever do anything... intimate?"

Castiel had blushed and looked down at the ground while he thought about the question. "No. Nothing sexual, anyway. We used to touch a lot, though."

"Like cuddling?"

"I suppose, yes."

"And you miss that?"

Castiel had thought about it. "Yes. I do."

"Cas, do you... like Dean?"

"Of course I like Dean, Bobby. What do you mean... oh, you mean, like..?"

"I mean, do you love him? Do you think about him all the time? Do you think he's attractive and maybe want to kiss him or somethin? Does he make you happy? Would you do anything for him? Is he the most important thing in the world to you?" Bobby had asked all of these questions like he already knew the answer.

"Yes. Yes, to all of them." Castiel had said.

And that's when Castiel had realized he loved Dean.

And it hurt.

Dean had been furiously throwing himself into the search for the colt lately. When he wasn't intently ignoring the world while doing research, he was fucking whatever girl he happened to be into this week.

Castiel walked into their cabin and was surprised to see Dean lying on the bed, alone.

"Dean?"

"Hey, Cas."

Even after everything, they still only had one bed. On those rare occasions when Dean was home at night, they shared it.

Castiel fought the urge to crawl up to Dean right then.

"What are you doing?" Castiel asked.

Dean raised an eyebrow quizzically at him. "Relaxing. You?"

Castiel smiled and sunk onto the bed next to Dean. "Relaxing."

Dean smiled and stared up at the ceiling. He let a hand drift to Castiel's head and he carded his fingers through Castiel's hair.

Castiel hummed in appreciation. Yes, this. He had missed this.

Castiel's eyes had closed and when he opened them, he found Dean smiling down at him.

"What?" he asked, blushing.

"Nothing," Dean smirked and turned to face the ceiling again.

"I miss you," Castiel blurted.

Dean's fingers paused in Castiel's hair. "What do you mean? I'm here right now."

Castiel squeezed his eyes shut. "I mean, I miss when it was just you and me. When we were on the road and we didn't have anyone but each other. When we slept close like this at night because it was cold. When I wasn't so alone all the time."

Castiel felt Dean shift. He looked up and Dean was perched on his elbow, looking down at Castiel intently. "Cas, are you lonely?"

Castiel sighed. "Very."

Dean's fingers resumed their path through Castiel's hair. "You know what you need?"

"What?"

"A little bit of sex, that's what you need."

Castiel's heart dropped. Not the den of iniquities thing again. If Dean tried to pimp him off to some chick again... unless...? Dean's fingers were trailing along his neck now and making him shiver.

"What are you suggesting?" Castiel asked nervously.

"What do you want me to be suggesting?" Dean asked, smirking.

Castiel cocked his head and Dean laughed.

"You're cute when you do that," Dean whispered, leaning in so that Castiel could count each individual fleck of light in his eyes.

"Do what?" Castiel whispered back.

"That head tilt thing," Dean breathed, moving in until their foreheads were pressed together and his body was almost on top of Castiel's.

Castiel stopped breathing when he felt one of Dean's hands on his hip and Dean's knee sliding between his legs.

"Dean-" Castiel whispered.

"Shh."

Then Dean kissed him. It was just a soft brush of lips against Castiel's but it was unlike anything Castiel had ever felt before.

He didn't really know how to kiss back and he didn't know where to put his hands, but it felt amazing nonetheless.

Dean's hands slid up and down Castiel's sides and his mouth pressed harder, but still gently, against Castiel's, urging his lips open. Castiel complied and gasped when Dean's tongue entered his mouth.

He felt Dean smile against his lips and he used that opportunity to put his own tongue inside Dean's mouth. That elicited a soft groan from Dean.

Castiel breathed and tugged Dean more firmly on top of him, curling his arms around Dean's neck. Their tongues were dancing together and it felt incredible. Castiel chastised himself for not doing this sooner, considering he'd been around for thousands of years.

But then again, he didn't think it'd feel this incredible with someone who wasn't Dean.

"Hey, Dean? I was wondering - oh shit!"

Castiel had barely processed the outside voice before Dean was off of him and shoving him onto the floor.

"Ow!" Castiel exclaimed, indignantly, when he fell off of the bed with a bang.

"Sorry," Dean muttered. "What do you need, Chuck?"

Chuck was resolutely looking anywhere but at Dean or Castiel. His eyes darted around nervously before finally settling on the ceiling. "Well, I was taking inventory and I realized that we were really low on toilet paper and I thought maybe I should tell you but that seems really unimportant now so I'm just going to go but yeah we need toilet paper and that's about it."

"Toilet paper?" Dean asked.

"Yeah, like I said, it was rather unimportant," Chuck said with a small voice.

"Well we'll be sure to pick up some toilet paper on our next supply run," Dean said.

"Yeah, good, okay," Chuck stuttered. He dropped his pen. "Oh, oops, I dropped my pen." He chuckled nervously but when he realized it had rolled over to Castiel and he would probably have to make eye contact in order to retrieve it, he gave up. "You know, actually, you keep it. You never know when a pen will come in handy, right?" He chuckled nervously again before darting out of the cabin.

Dean and Castiel stared speechlessly at him for a second before Dean let out a nervous chuckle of his own. "Well... hey sorry I pushed you onto the floor, Cas."

"Dean, I don't understand what we're doing," Castiel said, looking sadly at the floor.

"Well, we were kissing..." Dean said slowly.

"Yes, I know, but... why are you ashamed?" Castiel met Dean's eyes.

Then Dean dropped his gaze. "Cas, I'm not ashamed, I -"

"I don't understand, Dean. You fuck girls all the time and it's no big deal, then it's me and you finally kiss me after, what, three, four, years? Then you get all uncomfortable about it and what do you even want from me? Why are you kissing me anyway? You can kiss anyone you want and you kissed me? Why would you do that to me? I don't know what you want, Dean."

"Jesus, Cas, chill! What are you flipping out about, man? It was just a kiss, you don't need to over think it, man!"

"Dean, you can't just do this to me. You don't understand. You can't just kiss me and expect it to be okay. You can't just treat me like you treat all the girls you fuck, Dean."

"Who said I was going to?"

"No one had to say it, Dean."

They stared at each other angrily for a few seconds.

"What the fuck is this even about, Cas?"

Castiel shook his head. "If you have to ask, I can't explain it to you, Dean."

Dean huffed and shook his head. "Whatever, Cas. I'm going to Katie's cabin. Don't expect me back tonight."

With that, Dean walked off, leaving Castiel on the floor alone.

Honestly, Castiel didn't even know what had just happened.

Castiel felt tears stinging his eyes as he picked himself up off the floor and stumbled outside. He shoved his hands in his pockets and walked in the opposite direction of Katie's cabin.

He wasn't paying attention to where he was going or what he looked like when he almost ran into someone.

"Sorry," he mumbled.

He looked up to see a semi-familiar man with dark hair and crinkly brown eyes looking down at him. His name was Ryan, if Castiel remembered correctly.

"Hey, man, you alright? You look wrecked," the man said.

Yes, Castiel remembered now. His name was definitely Ryan. He helped Chuck with inventory sometimes.

"I am... not alright," Castiel sighed.

Ryan laid a hand on Castiel's shoulder. "Man, you don't look so good. Here, come in my cabin."

Castiel let himself be led into Ryan's cabin and deposited onto Ryan's bed. He curled his legs up until he was sitting in somewhat of a crumpled ball. He watched as Ryan sat next to him.

"What's wrong, dude?"

"Nothing, just Dean..."

"Ah, boyfriend trouble," Ryan smirked.

"He's not my boyfriend," Castiel said quietly, shaking his head.

"But you wish he was," Ryan said, sitting too close and staring too intently.

"It doesn't matter," Castiel said, looking away. "He doesn't love me. He just likes fucking people. He's a good man. A very good man. But being human is hard. This wasn't supposed to happen and now I have feelings and I don't know what to do with them."

"I know what you need," Ryan said.

"What?" Castiel asked.

Ryan got up and kneeled next to his bed, pulling something out from underneath it. He brought the box onto the bed and opened it to show Castiel the contents.

Castiel peered in and his gaze was met with a wide collection of drugs. Zolpidem, Dilaudid, Benzodiazepine, Desoxyn, Adderall, Ritalin, OxyContin, Opana, Marijuana, Vicodin, Cocaine. You name it. Ryan had it in that box.

"Aren't drugs dangerous for humans?" Castiel asked curiously.

Ryan shrugged. "Maybe. But it's the end of the world anyway. Plus they make you forget things. They make you happy. You don't need to know what to do with your feelings if you have these. Trust me, Cas, you want these."

Castiel looked at the box and couldn't deny the appeal of Ryan's words. "Yes," he said. "I want some. Give me some, please."

Ryan smiled and set the box back on the floor. "Slow down, sweetie. I can't just give them to you for free."

Castiel's heart sank. "Well, what do you want? I don't have money... I'll give you whatever I have, but I need these, Ryan."

"I know you do," Ryan said softly. He lifted up a hand and stroked Castiel's cheek. Castiel shivered, and not in a good way. "So I'm gonna do you a solid. You do me a favor, I'll let you have the drugs for free."

Castiel's mind flooded with relief. "Good, great, anything!"

Ryan leaned in closer and smiled. He leaned until his lips were against Castiel's ear. Castiel's skin crawled unpleasantly again.

"Have you ever given a blow job, Blue Eyes?"

Castiel leaned back. "What?"

"I take that as a no," Ryan smirked.

Castiel grew wide-eyed. He was pretty sure this wasn't a normal human interaction - trading blow jobs for drugs. But these were the end of times, so what was normal anyway? And if Dean could have sex with whoever he wanted, then why shouldn't Cas give a meaningless blow job?

And he wanted those drugs.

Castiel swallowed. "I haven't. But I'm willing to try."

Ryan grinned and stroked Castiel's cheek. "That's the spirit, Blue Eyes."

Ryan moved toward the head of the bed and pulled Castiel along with him. He laid down flat on his back and pulled his pants and boxers off in one quick motion. Castiel stared at Ryan's already hard cock.

"Come on, get between my legs."

Castiel obeyed and stared at Ryan's penis uncomfortably. Ryan took Castiel's face in his hands and looked into his eyes. "You're so fucking sexy, you know that, Cas?" he whispered seductively.

As uncomfortable as the situation was, that was still nice to hear, so Castiel forced a smile and didn't let himself hesitate before taking the other man into his mouth.

The feeling wasn't entirely unpleasant, but Castiel couldn't see why anyone would want to do this voluntarily. He moved his tongue experimentally along the length of Ryan's dick, causing the other man to twitch.

Ryan's fingers danced erratically through Castiel's hair as he gradually lost control of himself.

Castiel was rather intrigued at the reactions he could illicit with each movement of his tongue and bob of his head.

Soon, Ryan was moaning and thrusting into Castiel's mouth, so Castiel figured he must be doing something right.

Then Ryan's hands forcefully plunged Castiel's head downward as Ryan rocked upward quickly and sporadically into Castiel's mouth and, damn, that was really unpleasant.

And Castiel was not prepared when Ryan came with a shout and a foreign-tasting liquid flooded into Castiel's throat. He choked and sputtered, spitting out half of it and swallowing the rest. It didn't taste terrible, but a little warning might have been nice.

"Sorry, baby," Ryan sighed, ruffling Castiel's hair. "You're damn good at that, though."

"Thank you," Castiel said, wiping at his mouth. "Can I have the drugs now, please?"

"Sure, beautiful," Ryan said. He dug through the box, pulled out a couple of bottles, and handed them over to Castiel. "I think you'll like these. If you want more, you know where to find me." He winked.

Castiel smiled politely and shoved the bottles into his pockets before quickly walking out of the cabin.

He hurriedly made his way back to his own cabin and when he got there, he pulled out a bottle that read Benzodiazepine. He didn't know how many to take so he poured some out onto his palm. He counted 8. They seemed harmless enough so he put them all in his mouth and swallowed.

**A/N: Thanks for reading, guys! Please please leave me a review and tell me what you think so far because I really love reviews.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Here's part 2 of this verse! It's going to end up being 3 parts, so it's not over yet :) Enjoy this penultimate installment ;) (*ALSO WARNING - RAPE* and also drugs but it's 2014!Cas so that's kind of a given really)**

May 7, 2013

Castiel always felt like he was floating now. He felt like the clouds were moving toward him and the air was dancing underneath him and the wind was holding him up and carrying him away.

It reminded him of what being an angel felt like and he didn't want to come down.

Castiel was running low on meds, so he made the trek down to Ryan's cabin, smiling at all of the intriguing sights and sounds around him.

He didn't enjoy visits with Ryan, but they were more bearable when he was stoned out of his mind. He let Ryan do all kinds of things to him - things that made his stomach clench and skin shudder when he let himself think about it.

So he simply refused to think about it.

He needed the drugs - they were the only thing keeping him sane. If this is what he had to do to get his high and finally feel like he was flying again, then he was going to do it, dammit.

Dean had moved into another cabin. They didn't talk anymore. Well, that's not true. They talked all the time - about strategy, about supplies, about missions. But they didn't really talk. They didn't say anything important. Not anymore.

The last time Dean had said anything real to Castiel was when he had come back to their cabin a week after Castiel had met Ryan.

Castiel had been lying on the floor in the middle of the room with his eyes closed and a blissfully empty mind.

He had heard Dean yelling at him but he couldn't register what was being said.

The only thing he had registered was "God, Cas, you're so useless you know that? Why couldn't a less pathetic angel have joined my team?"

Then he'd heard Dean leave and he had known in his gut that Dean wouldn't be coming back.

And he had just laughed with tears streaming quietly down his face.

So now when he was humming to himself on the journey over to Ryan's cabin, he didn't know how to respond when he saw Dean locked in a tender embrace with a woman in the doorway a few cabins down from Ryan's.

Castiel's senses were a bit dull, so he just watched as Dean kissed the woman softly, not caring that he was blatantly staring.

Dean finally turned away from the woman and turned to walk away, eyes falling on Castiel. They stared at each other awkwardly for a moment before a deep voice broke Castiel out of his reverie.

"Cas!" Ryan called, poking his head out of his cabin. "You comin to see me?"

Castiel finally broke eye contact with Dean. "Yes," he called in response, not looking back at Dean as he turned away and strode toward Ryan.

If he had looked back, he might have seen the flash of comprehension, then hurt, in Dean's eyes.

But he didn't.

May 25, 2013

Ryan had begun calling on Castiel more often than just when Castiel needed more drugs. Ryan claimed that since he was giving Castiel so much, Castiel should be happy to give Ryan whatever he wanted whenever he wanted.

Castiel couldn't argue because he no longer knew how to function without the help of Ryan's drugs, so he always complied.

Castiel was in Ryan's cabin, pressed silently against the wall while Ryan brutally slammed into him again and again. Ryan hadn't even bothered with a lubricant of any kind other than a bit of his own spit and pre-cum. It hurt like a bitch, but Castiel didn't complain.

He took it with a vacant expression on his face, just as he did with everything these days.

A few cabins down, Dean was leaning back against a wall while a woman named Andrea was on her knees in front of him. He ran his fingers through her hair and guided her head further down on his cock, not as gently as he used to.

Both men came wishing they were somewhere else, anywhere but where they were, but they were both too broken to really care.

July 3, 2013

"We can't just barge in there; we don't even know if this is a real lead!"

Castiel watched as Dean argued with Reesa about a new mission he wanted to go on. Apparently one of the demons that Dean had found had told him that the Colt was in Washington D.C. and now Dean wanted to go there.

Castiel deliberately refrained from thinking about how Dean had gotten the information out of this demon.

"Well it's the only lead we've got and I'm not going to just sit around and watch the world end without doing SOMETHING," Dean yelled exasperatedly.

Castiel heard a bitter laugh and realized too late that it came from his own mouth.

"What are you laughing about, Chuckles?" Dean asked coldly.

"Look around, Dean, the world's already gone," Castiel sighed.

Dean glared at him and maybe Castiel could see hurt and pain in his deadened eyes, but maybe that was just the drugs and his hopeful heart still trying to trick him.

"Look, why don't we go to Bobby's and see what he thinks?" Reesa asked. "He'll know how to interpret this information better than any of us."

Dean nodded. "Come on then," he said, not even bothering to ask if Castiel was coming with because Dean knew. Castiel would always come.

The three of them loaded into a car, Dean at the wheel, Reesa in the passenger seat, and Castiel staring vacantly out the window of the backseat.

The drive was silent and when they reached Bobby's, Castiel immediately sensed something was wrong.

The front door was open and Castiel hopped out of the car quickly and recklessly. He grabbed a gun and bolted to the house, sensing Dean at his heels more than hearing him.

He could vaguely register Reesa's faint cries of warning before him and Dean were charging through the door.

What they saw inside would haunt Castiel's memory until the day he died, and probably in Hell for an eternity after that.

There was blood spattered everywhere and the bodies of dead Croats littering the entire room. In the middle of the room was Bobby's wheelchair, and a few feet away from it was a rotten and decaying heap of bones, ripped clothes, blood, guts, and Bobby's hat.

Castiel didn't remember running to it, but before he knew it he was kneeling in front of the pile, vacant eyes staring in disbelief.

"Don't touch, Cas," Dean said from behind him. "It's all infected."

Castiel forced his eyes up to Dean's face and was relieved to see tears forming in his startlingly green eyes.

"Reesa!" Dean barked. "Stay outside!"

Castiel heard Reesa respond and he registered tears spilling out of his own eyes and Dean crouching down next to him, staring at what was once Bobby Singer.

Before Castiel could get his brain to work again, Dean got up and walked out without so much as looking at Castiel. He returned a minute later with two pairs of gloves.

Wordlessly, he handed a pair to Castiel and the two of them put the gloves on and gathered up the remains of the man who had meant so much to them both; the father figure they had both needed when their own fathers weren't there anymore.

After a few trips, the entirety of the deceased man was lying in a heap in the back yard. Dean and Castiel silently shed their gloves and threw them on top of the pile. Tears streaming down his face, Dean pulled a lighter out of his pocket and lit the remains on fire.

They didn't say anything and the two of them stood there staring at the flames until they died out and there was nothing left but black, dusty ashes.

Reesa had patiently waited and left the two men in peace to give their friend the hunter's funeral he deserved.

They didn't say a word to each other the entire day.

They were both locked in their own lonely heads, mourning the loss of their hero in solitude.

September 2, 2013

Other men were starting to notice how Castiel was being used by Ryan and Castiel began to frequently get offers from men who wanted to forget that the world was going to shit for a night.

Castiel didn't remember when he started to say yes, but at some point he had and now he spent most nights a week being fucked by some desperate man or another whose names he never bothered to remember, always wishing it was someone else.

He got to the point where he couldn't sleep alone anymore and on those nights when no one came to him for comfort, he went out in search of comfort himself.

He would flirt shamelessly with men, women, anyone who would listen. He would smile a dazzling smile and give a speech about how the world was ending so we might as well go out with a bang. He would take a willing body back to his cabin every night and fall asleep with a warm form curled next to his own.

And he would go to sleep unhappy every night, wishing for someone who he knew he had lost a long time ago.

October 19, 2013

Dean sat on the grass, staring up at the stars, wondering when his life had become this: this mess of an apocalyptic disaster with a possessed brother and a drugged up fallen angel whore of a best friend and a camp of people that he had somehow become responsible for and absolutely no idea what to do.

Dean wished he could go back and change so many of the decisions that had led him to this point. He wished he had never pushed Sam away. He wished he had been there for Cas after he fell. He wished he hadn't let Cas slip away from him. He wished he had just told Cas that he loved him.

He wished he could have saved Cas. He wished he could have saved Sam. He wished he could have saved Bobby.

He wished he had just said yes and been able to save everyone.

And he had tried. A few months ago he had broken down and screamed out into the sky that yes, he would be Michael's fucking angel condom.

The only response he got was the sound of crickets chirping in an empty night.

Tonight he felt tears pouring down his cheeks and dripping off his chin and he tilted his head toward heaven and he pleaded, "Please. I'm begging you, if anyone is listening up there, please. Please, I'll be your goddamn sword, just please. Please listen. I can't do this. Just do your fucking apocalypse and get it over with. I'm done. Please. Please hear me."

But really Dean knew that the angels were gone. They had left a long time ago and they had no intention of coming back.

God was content to let this planet wither and die under Lucifer's command and there was nothing Dean could do about it.

"They can't hear you."

Dean turned around and saw Castiel standing there, a bottle of something alcoholic in his hand.

"The angels left long ago, Dean. I told you that."

Dean sighed and didn't even bother to wipe his tear-stained face. If it were anyone else he would have, but this was Castiel and even after everything, Cas knew him better than he knew himself and he couldn't hide anything from him even if he wanted to.

Dean felt small and vulnerable and he missed his friend more than anything, so he let himself open up just this once.

"I know, Cas, but it doesn't hurt to try."

Cas sat down beside him and handed Dean the bottle. Dean took a swig and looked over at his best friend, seeing the glassy eyes that he had grown to hate on the ex-angel's face.

Dean missed the bright eyes that were full of curiosity and awareness. These vacant, empty orbs were a sorry replacement and Dean hated them.

"Saying yes wouldn't have made things any better, Dean," Cas mused. "Michael and Lucifer would have destroyed the world anyway."

"Maybe," Dean mumbled. "But Sam wouldn't have become Lucifer's meat suit and Bobby wouldn't have been eaten alive and you wouldn't have..."

Cas laughed an empty laugh. "Become a wasted slut? Yeah probably not."

"You hate me, don't you, Cas?"

Dean knew if he were Cas, he would hate him. This was all Dean's fault. Dean was a dick and he made Cas into the shell of a person that he is. Dean could barely even look at him. It made him sick to his stomach with guilt to see what he had done to this man who used to be a powerful and mesmerizing angel.

Cas stared up at the sky silently for a moment before answering. "I hate a lot of things now, Dean. I hate the world. I hate my life. I hate cruel people. I hate God. I hate the angels. I hate myself. I hate the human body. I hate memories. I hate monsters. I hate feeling things." He paused and tilted his head to look at Dean. "But one thing I've never been able to hate is you, Dean Winchester."

Dean saw some spark of feeling in those blue eyes and seeing Cas with his tilted head and some expression on his face other than pure vacancy made his heart clench. It reminded him of the old Cas that hadn't yet been destroyed by Dean and Dean wanted to kiss him and hold him and bring the old Cas back.

Instead he looked away. "You should hate me," he muttered. "I destroyed you. I broke you. I killed you, Cas."

"Yes," Cas agreed. "But I helped."

Something in Dean snapped. Now he was feeling frustrated. He didn't understand why Cas was always so willing to follow him, to be with him, to trust him when he had every reason not to. Quite frankly, it pissed Dean off because he didn't deserve that. He had never deserved someone like Cas and because of Cas's undying devotion to Dean's worthless ass, Cas had fallen and that guilt was all on Dean.

"Why did you do it? Why did you follow me? Why the fuck did you fall for me?" Dean spat out. "Because it was really stupid, Cas. Everything you did. This shouldn't have happened to you. I hope you're fucking happy with how your life's turned out."

Cas glared at him and Dean could see a glint of the angelic smite-y-ness in Castiel's eyes and the sight made his heart leap.

"I never wanted this. All I wanted was you, Dean."

With that, Cas snatched his alcohol back from Dean, got up, and walked off into the night, leaving Dean alone, broken, sad, angry, and agonizingly guilty.

November 7, 2013

Dean was on the way back to his cabin from Sadie's cabin. Sadie was one of Cas's regulars and Dean had taken to fucking people he knew Cas had fucked.

He knew he couldn't have Cas because he didn't deserve him and being with him would only break Cas even more. He couldn't stand what he had done to Cas and he hated himself for it.

So he tried to repress his love for the fallen angel and sat on the sidelines as Cas drowned in the mess of a life that Dean had burdened him with.

But that didn't make it hurt any less every time he saw some man or woman leaving Cas's cabin with a smile on their face or every time he heard flocks of women gabbing excitedly about Cas's legendary orgies.

It still hurt like hell every time Dean looked at Cas and saw how broken he had become. It hurt like hell every time he longed to touch him and reminded himself that he couldn't because had no right. He had no right to reach out and try to fix Cas because he was the one that had broken him and Cas deserved to be free of him forever.

So when Dean spotted Cas in the distance, walking in his direction, he decided the better option was to hide and wait for Cas to pass rather than deal with a conversation.

He ducked behind a cabin and realized whose cabin it was with a sickening jolt at the sound of the occupant's voice.

"Cas, baby!" the voice called. "Are you coming to see me, Blue Eyes?"

It was Ryan. Dean had hated Ryan ever since he had realized that he was one of the first people Cas had slept with. Everyone knew that Ryan was one of Cas's regulars because he fucking leered at him every time he saw him. Seriously, the dude had a sick obsession with Cas and it made Dean's stomach hurt.

"Actually, no," Dean heard Cas reply dazedly. "I was just passing through."

"Why don't you make a pit stop while you're here, though?" Ryan asked in a velvety voice. "I'd make it worth it, I promise."

"I would," Cas answered. "But I'm actually on my way to..."

Dean heard movement and he strained his ears to understand what was going on, as he didn't dare risk peaking his head out to see.

He heard Ryan hiss, "Baby, you don't actually think you can refuse me, do you? You need me, beautiful, just like I need you. It's the end of the world, love, and we're stuck here together. You haven't forgotten everything I've done for you, have you?"

"Of course not. Ryan, please let go of me, I don't want -"

Dean heard the sound of a fist against a body.

"I'll tell you what you do or don't want, you little slut," Ryan growled, dragging Cas into the cabin.

Dean wanted to barge in and shoot Ryan on the spot but the horror that was swimming through every vein in his body was pinning him in place and all he could do was peek through the window, watching and listening as the scene unfolded.

Ryan slammed Cas against the wall and yanked his pants off.

Castiel struggled and tried to elbow Ryan off of him but Ryan was stronger than him.

"Don't fight it, love," Ryan snarled. "We need each other."

Cas whimpered. "Please, Ryan, I don't want this. Please stop."

Ryan slapped him.

"Of course you want this. I know what you want, gorgeous. I made you, remember? I was your first. I taught you everything you know."

Cas's face pressed hard against the cabin wall as Ryan pinned his arms down and fondled his dick and ass.

"But then you became a little slut and you betrayed me. Why would you do that to me baby?"

Ryan bit Cas's back so hard he screamed, which only made Ryan do it again.

"I like it when you scream, baby. Usually you're so quiet for me."

Cas struggled underneath him as Ryan pulled his own pants down and rubbed his cock against the crease of Cas's ass.

"This might hurt a bit, Blue Eyes."

Without warning he shoved himself into Cas, making him scream.

Cas flailed and struggled but Ryan just pinned him against the wall and thrust quick and hard into him relentlessly.

"Are you enjoying yourself, baby?"

Cas screamed in response which made Ryan more brutal.

"I said, are you enjoying yourself?"

Cas nodded and Ryan hummed and sucked on his neck.

"Good boy."

Cas went limp and he finally stopped struggling as Ryan ran his hands all along Cas's body.

Tears were streaming down Cas's face.

"You need me. You need me because I give you what you want. Without me, you'd be nothing. You're nothing without the drugs, baby."

Cas whimpered as Ryan grabbed his dick too roughly.

Ryan cried out as he came.

Dean's feet finally found the courage to move and he ran away as fast as he could before he allowed himself to storm into that cabin and murder Ryan with his bare hands.

November 8, 2013

Dean tried to talk himself out of it, but his attempts were half-hearted.

He had never felt so angry in his entire life.

So, he loaded a gun and tucked it into his jacket.

He walked along the path in the cool morning air as the sun started it's slow crawl up the sky.

He paused in front of the door before barging in.

He saw the man look up from his bed in surprise and then Dean looked him dead in the eye and shot Ryan right between the eyes three times with absolutely no hesitation.

November 9, 2013

People were curious as to what had happened to Ryan, but Dean had taken his body and buried it, leaving no evidence.

Eventually people would lose interest and no one would remember that Ryan had even existed.

Dean felt no remorse.

November 24, 2013

Castiel was secretly overjoyed that Ryan had disappeared and he didn't ask questions as to why.

As soon as he had heard, he had raided Ryan's cabin and taken his entire supply of drugs.

He probably should have felt guilty, taking what was probably a dead man's belongings so nonchalantly, but he didn't.

Castiel was to accompany Dean and a few others on a supply run today. They had to drive farther than usual because they had already raided all of the stores in the vicinity.

Castiel was pretty sure they were going to encounter some Croats, but he didn't really mind. He was in the mood to shoot something.

He meandered over to the vehicles being loaded up for their trip and settled to a stop next to Dean.

"So, what are your orders, fearless leader?" he asked sarcastically.

Dean gave him an annoyed look. "We're gonna drive up to Fargo, be as discreet as possible, find the first store we can that has supplies, raid it, and get the hell out. Hopefully without dying."

"Good plan," Castiel said with a nod.

Castiel had resigned himself now to the fact that he would never have Dean, so he had decided to become Dean if he couldn't have him. The thought was depressing when you thought about it, so he didn't think about it.

He just cruised along on his high, making smartass comments and getting laid, all to the mantra of "what would Dean do?"

He rode shotgun in a guy named Frank's car, watching the shadowy outline of Dean at the wheel of the car in front of him for the entire trip.

When Dean pulled over, Frank followed suit and everyone climbed out of their vehicles. There were five of them, and they all wordlessly prepared their weapons before falling into line behind Dean and quietly sneaking their way into the city.

Castiel fell into step right behind Dean, because that's what he always did. They hadn't had a real conversation in months but it didn't matter because he would always be right behind Dean, backing him up whenever he needed him.

Castiel had always been second in command on any mission despite his drug addictions and lack of angel mojo. Everyone knew that Castiel was Dean's right-hand man and no one questioned it.

Castiel knew that after everything, he was still the only person that Dean trusted completely in this world and that meant something.

The small pack found a promising-looking store and the silently filed inside, guns ready.

The place seemed free of threats, but it was clear that it had been raided many times before. The crew did a sweep anyway to see if there was anything left for them.

They split up in over to do the task faster and Castiel found himself scouring the back corner of the store, coming up with nothing useful.

He heard a faint scuffling coming from the aisle adjacent to him and he cautiously moved to check it out. He peeked around the corner and saw a small crowd of Croats feasting on a body.

He knew he couldn't hope to shoot them all before they got to him, so he figured his best move was to silently get out of there and get the others out before the Croats noticed they were there.

Unfortunately, one of the Croats looked up and locked eyes with him.

Castiel didn't waste time and knocked some random things off of the shelves, forming a small barrier between himself and the Croats before sprinting away.

"Dean!" he yelled, hoping Dean was in the vicinity. "Get out!"

"Cas?" he heard Dean call from somewhere to his left.

The Croats heard it too and Castiel heard some of them scurry off to hunt the new voice.

"Dean, don't talk! Get the others and get out of here, now!"

Castiel rounded a corner and suddenly Dean was there.

"Not without you, Cas."

Castiel shouldn't have allowed himself the second to stare at Dean because by the time he heard the Croats coming up behind him it was too late. He felt something grab him and his gun was knocked out of his hands. He heard a gun shot, then something crushed his ankle and he cried out. Then he felt Dean yanking him away and pulling him toward the exit.

The pain in his ankle was excruciating as Dean dragged him toward the door. He didn't know how they made it, but they did and by the time they had shaken the Croats, the others in their group were ready with the cars and Dean hauled Castiel into the backseat of one and they drove off to safety.

Castiel groaned as his ankle throbbed. The pain was making him dizzy and he slumped against Dean, sweat glazing his forehead.

Dean gently propped him up and pulled out the first aid kit. He was murmuring something softly to Castiel, although Castiel couldn't quite make it out. The tone was soothing, however, so it calmed him.

Castiel watched Dean as he fretted over Castiel's ankle. Castiel barely even felt the pain as Dean felt it and tried to assess the damage. He was too bush concentrating on Dean's soothing voice. The voice sounded so caring and that was something Castiel hadn't experienced from Dean in so long.

Dean apparently determined that fixing Castiel's ankle was beyond his area of expertise, so he tried his best to make Castiel comfortable and busied himself cleaning Castiel up and wiping the sweat from his forehead.

Castiel closed his eyes and enjoyed Dean's touch. When Dean was finished, he let Castiel snuggle into him for the rest of the way back to camp.

Despite everything and despite the pain, Castiel felt content in this moment.

And if anyone thought that the two of them cuddling in the backseat was weird, no one said anything.

**A/N: I hope you guys are enjoying my depressing end!verse word vomit. It's kind of depressing me but I have a morbid obsession with depressing myself with end!verse. Please review and tell me what you think :) And hopefully the final part of this will be up soon and that's going to be the most depressing part and I will probably cry.**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: So, here's the final part! This is the first fic I've ever finished so I'm kind of proud. Be forewarned, though - it is definitely sad. I may or may not have teared up while writing this.**

January 26, 2014

Castiel was finally able to walk again and he could finally take that godforsaken cast off of his ankle, so as far as the end of times went, today was a good day.

He planned to celebrate it by getting incredibly wasted and having an epically large orgy.

So basically the usual.

He hadn't had a proper fuck in months and the need he felt for sex was astounding. He had received a fair amount of blow jobs while on bed rest, but it just wasn't the same when you had to sit still for fear of crying out in pain due to your godforsaken broken ankle.

Then there was the matter of Dean.

Dean, who had changed his bandages daily. Dean, who had snuck him extra food even though they were running low on supplies. Dean, who had come into his cabin a couple nights a week with a bottle of alcohol to "make the pain go away." Dean, who had risked his own fucking life two months ago to save a fallen angel who was essentially worthless and Dean who had held him close all the way home because he was Dean and he knew that Castiel needed him.

But this Dean was also the same Dean who would glare every time a young, bright face walked into the cabin asking to see Castiel because Dean knew what they were really there for and boy was he judging them for it. This Dean, who after getting drunk with Castiel would call him a whore and inform him just how much he'd fucked up his life. This Dean, who Castiel knew regretted his decision to save the angel because really, who wouldn't?

Castiel was useless.

So, yeah, he wanted a fucking distraction from Dean Winchester because it really hurts to be in love with someone who is disgusted by your very existence.

The only reason Castiel didn't just end it all was because he was scared of what would happen to him when he died. He was sure he wouldn't be welcomed back into Heaven and Hell didn't seem a very appealing alternative. And there was always the possibility that he might still end up wherever angels go when they die, and he still had no fucking idea where that was.

So all things considered, his miserable existence here was better than what would happen if he ended his miserable existence.

So he stayed.

Castiel was planning on visiting a few of his regulars and proposing an orgy for the afternoon. He knew they'd say yes. He wanted word to get around about this, so he figured he'd invite as many people as possible that would come.

He wanted Dean to hear about it.

He wanted Dean to get jealous, even though he knew that would never happen.

At the very least he maybe wanted to rub what he'd become in Dean's face - maybe garner a little bit of pity from the man.

He just wanted Dean to notice him.

But Dean probably wouldn't. He'd been sleeping fairly regularly with Risa. Apparently they had some sort of connection.

Whatever, Dean can have whoever he wants. It's none of Castiel's business. So Castiel will just have sex with everyone else at Camp Chitaqua since Dean's claimed Risa for himself. No biggie.

Whatever.

So Castiel knocked on Alex's door, and Amy's and Crystal's and John's and Lily's and Nathan's and Rebecca's and Carter's and Peter's and Hannah's and even Chuck's (because apparently Chuck was into sex as a distraction technique now. Well awesome, welcome to the club then, Chuck) and they all happily agreed to come to Castiel's orgy because why the hell not?

On Castiel's way back to his cabin, he saw Dean talking to Risa outside of her cabin. Dean saw him too and they made eye contact, refusing to break the stare because that's what they always did. It's what they had always done.

Castiel knew that Dean probably hadn't heard about Castiel's plans for the day, nor would he care if he did hear, but Castiel pretended, just for the heck of it, as he walked past Dean, that Dean was jealous and that Dean wanted him.

How pathetic, really. He used to be a warrior of God and now he hosted goddamn orgies because he fell in love with and gave everything for the one fucking human who refused to love him back.

How fucking pathetic.

The orgy happened later that afternoon and of course it was mind-blowing because Castiel hosted it, so duh. Castiel just wasn't in a pleasant mood at all afterwards, though, so he sent everyone back to their own cabins instead of letting them laze around together in post-coital bliss for a while like they usually did.

He didn't even feel like going outside and getting fresh air. He didn't feel like talking to anyone. He didn't feel like having anymore meaningless sex with cute, young girls or curious, smirking boys. He just wanted to stop feeling.

He grabbed a bottle of alcohol from under his bed and popped a handful of pills before slinking over to the corner of his cabin and curling into a ball on the floor there.

He quietly sat there and nursed his alcohol, letting his thoughts fly around his head.

He let himself wonder what he would be doing now if he had never fallen in love with Dean Winchester. If he had simply followed orders and left him alone after pulling him from perdition.

He would probably be in Heaven with his brothers and sisters, peering down judgmentally at the fuck up that humanity had caused.

He would never know what it felt like to lose his wings and become addicted to sex, alcohol, drugs. He would never know what it felt like to be violated, taken advantage of.

He would never know what it felt like to watch the man he loved grow more and more disgusted with him day by day.

He would never know what it was like to be in love.

Castiel closed his eyes and tried to imagine not being in love with Dean Winchester. He couldn't.

He chuckled humorlessly to himself. He guessed it was inevitable, him falling for Dean. Just like the apocalypse was inevitable. Just like Sam saying yes was inevitable. Just like them ending up here exactly how they were was always fucking inevitable.

Free will. Ha. No such thing. Just another pretty fucking fantasy that Dean had made him believe in. Just another dream that would never come true. Just like Dean himself, really.

Night was falling now and Castiel could feel the darkness around him more than see it. He felt the darkness crawling through his pores and making a home in his heart and in his mind. Because that's all everything was now - just darkness. No one had any light inside them. Not anymore.

That's what happens at the end of times, you know.

"Cas?"

Castiel heard someone fighting through the darkness, calling his name. He smiled because he knew it was a hallucination brought on by the drugs. He knew it wasn't real because the voice was definitely Dean's.

Dean wouldn't be caught dead coming to Castiel's cabin.

"Cas!"

There it was again, that beautiful voice, but closer this time.

Castiel opened his eyes and saw Dean standing in his cabin, holding his own bottle of alcohol, looking uncertainly at Castiel.

"You're a pretty hallucination," Castiel heard himself say, smiling. "Come here."

The Dean hallucination smiled bemusedly and slowly inched forward crouching in front of Castiel when he got close.

Castiel sighed contentedly and ran his fingers through the imaginary Dean's hair. "So lovely," he murmured.

"I'm not a hallucination, Cas," Dean said, words slurring together.

Castiel frowned at him. He certainly looked real. Well if he was real, he was clearly drunk. But he was smiling. Usually Dean was a surly drunk.

"Can I tell you a secret?" Dean whispered.

Castiel nodded, not letting go of Dean's hair.

Dean leaned in closer.

"I stole a bunch of your drugs earlier and I dunno what they were but I took them and now I'm high and drunk just like you," Dean whispered, smirking.

His face was so close to Castiel's and at this point Castiel was sure this was real. He had enough experience with his drugs to be able to tell. And Dean's drugs explained Dean's mood. So everything made sense.

Except for why Dean was in his cabin.

"Why are you in my cabin, Dean?" Castiel asked, running his thumb along Dean's cheek. "You never come to my cabin."

"I wanted to," Dean replied, breathing alcohol-soaked breath into Castiel's nose.

"Why?"

Dean's face twisted into a cocky smirk. "Wanted to see what it was like, you know? What's it like to fuck Camp Chitaqua's finest whore? Wanna see if you live up to your reputation."

Castiel swallowed. Of course he did. Dean Winchester had a way of kicking him when he was already down in a way that nobody else could. Hell, no one else had the power to even affect his feelings in the slightest these days. Not really.

But Dean Winchester. Dean Winchester always could.

Castiel should be yelling at Dean to get out because he doesn't need this fucking abuse. He can have whoever he wants in his bed, thank you very much. He doesn't need Dean fucking Winchester.

Except that he does.

So instead of kicking Dean's wasted ass out of his cabin, Castiel leaned in and wrapped his arms around Dean's neck, straddling his hips. "Do you know how many people I've fucked, Dean?" Castiel whispered, grinding his pelvis against Dean's.

Dean groaned then shut his eyes and shook his head.

"I've fucked 38 people, Dean," Castiel breathed, his breath ghosting over Dean's ear while his fingers threaded through Dean's hair slowly, lovingly. "I've fucked 21 women and 17 men. Do you know that's 82.6% of our camp's population, Dean?"

Dean opened his eyes and pressed his forehead to Castiel's, pressing their whole bodies closer together. "How many times have you had sex, Cas?" he slurred.

Castiel smiled and gazed into Dean's eyes. "83 times," he answered.

"Do you want to make it 84?"

Castiel didn't dignify that with an answer. He simply kissed Dean instead.

It didn't really matter to Castiel that they were both wasted beyond belief and Dean probably wouldn't even remember this later. It didn't really matter that Dean didn't actually want this and was just acting on some strange curious impulse.

Castiel had wanted this for years and he never thought he could have it and now that he was getting it, he was going to savor it, dammit, no matter what the circumstances.

Castiel remembered that one time Dean had kissed him, not even a year ago, but also life times ago. It had been his first kiss but it had ended too soon and that same day he had also given his first blowjob. The kiss was good but the fallout was bad and it led to the blowjob which was real fucking bad and that led to a slutty, drugged up Castiel.

And that led him here.

This kiss was nothing like their first kiss. Dean had been sweet then, gentle. He had been sober. Castiel had been sober. Hell, that was the last day Castiel was ever sober. Ever since that evening, he'd been in a constant state of wasted.

Dean had been hopeful back then. Castiel had been hopeful back then. They were still good to each other back then. The world was just a bit warmer back then. Castiel had been innocent back then.

Castiel was not innocent anymore.

Castiel was broken beyond repair and Dean was maybe even worse then that. Dean might not even have anything left to BE broken anymore. Hope had left them both ages ago and neither of them had anything to even live for anymore. Nothing to believe in. Not anymore. They were both wasted and cynical and anything but gentle this time around.

They both reeked of alcohol and sex, but that was okay because they were both drunken sluts anyway. It was the end of the world, so why the fuck not be a drunken slut, right?

Castiel clung to Dean on the floor of his cabin harder than he'd clung to anything in his life. He shoved his tongue past Dean's lips and tried to taste and memorize every facet of Dean's mouth. He was delighted to feel Dean clinging to him just as tightly and probing Castiel's mouth with his tongue just as forcefully. Their hips were rocking together in perfect rhythm and fuck if this wasn't the best Castiel had felt in ages.

He pushed Dean onto his back and was pleasantly surprised that Dean let him. He smiled against Dean's skin and started sucking and biting at his neck. He wanted to leave a mark - a huge fucking mark - make sure everyone knew exactly where Dean had been tonight.

Seeing Dean come entirely undone beneath him and hearing him moan Castiel's name would never get old, but Castiel was painfully hard by now and they really needed to get this show on the road before he ruined everything by coming in his pants.

Castiel pressed a quick line of kisses from Dean's neck to his lips, caressing Dean's bottom lip with his tongue before sitting up, still straddling Dean, and pulling his own shirt over his head.

He didn't miss how Dean's lust-blown eyes raked over his naked upper-body and he smirked as he pulled Dean up to meet him and slowly discarded Dean of his shirt as well.

He thought about bringing them over to the bed at this point, but he decided against it because there was something beautifully desperate about having each other like this, on the floor, when there was a bed literally three steps away. Like they needed it so badly they didn't even have time for three steps. Like they needed each other so badly that nothing else mattered other than the fact that they were wrapped safe in each other's arms.

So Castiel pushed Dean back against the floor and took his time exploring Dean's chest and stomach with his fingers, mouth, tongue, lips, eyes... he wanted every part of him on Dean. He bit and sucked and licked at Dean's nipples, making Dean tremble and moan. He trailed soft kisses and ghosted whispers of "I love you" and "you're mine" in Enochian over Dean's skin.

He ordered Dean to look at him as he slowly licked, kissed, and bit a path from Dean's neck down to the top of his jeans. He met Dean's eyes as he unfastened the button and smirked at Dean before pulling Dean's zipper down with his teeth. He felt a burst of satisfaction when he heard Dean's breath catch and he smiled as he pulled Dean's jeans and boxers to his ankles. He quickly rid Dean of his shoes and socks before pulling his jeans and boxers off all the way and when he did, he looked up to see Dean staring at him in something that looked vaguely akin to wonder.

But that couldn't be right.

So instead Castiel turned his attention to the lower half of Dean's body. He could see how hard Dean was, how much he needed Castiel to touch him. But not yet. Castiel was going to take his time with this. Lord knows he wouldn't be lucky enough to get this opportunity twice.

Castiel crawled up Dean's body and kissed his forehead, then slowly trailed his nose down the length of Dean's entire body, cruelly ignoring Dean's cock, which made Dean whimper.

"Patience, Dean," Castiel chastised, looking up at Dean through his eyelashes.

He went back to trailing his nose down Dean's body, coming to a stop at Dean's feet. Then he began gently kissing the insides of the arches of Dean's feet. He alternated between right foot and left foot, traveling slowly up until he hit ankles. He kissed his way in that same manner up Dean's legs until he was at Dean's thighs. He began to lick and suck at the skin there, moving toward Dean's cock painfully slowly.

Dean was really whimpering in a very undignified manner by this point and the sound was better than any song Castiel had ever heard - and he'd listened to the song's of the Heavenly Host for millennia.

This was so so much better.

Finally, Castiel stopped teasing and ordered Dean to look at him again. Dean did, and when they locked eyes, Castiel put his lips to the head of Dean's cock and wrapped his mouth around it slowly. Castiel slowly brought all of Dean into his mouth and he slowly licked his tongue along the underside of Dean's dick. Castiel's eyes never left Dean's as he bobbed up and down, his tongue tracing artistic patterns along Dean's length. Castiel brought Dean all the way inside his mouth, until his lips were at the base of Dean's dick and the was in Castiel's throat. He hummed and brought Dean back out again, then back in, slowly at first, then faster.

He almost let Dean come in his mouth, but no. This was his one chance at this and he wanted to do it right.

Dean cried out when Castiel's mouth left him and Castiel smiled and crawled up to stroke Dean's cheek.

"Don't want it to be over yet," he explained softly.

Dean nodded.

Castiel could feel his own erection straining against his jeans. He wanted to get out of those jeans, but he wanted Dean to be the one to take them off.

Castiel pulled Dean up into a sitting position and straddled his hips again. "So," he whispered, trailing his long fingers all over Dean's body and reveling in how absolutely wrecked he looked. Castiel leaned into Dean so close that they were breathing into each other's mouths. "Do you want to fuck me or shall I fuck you?" he breathed.

Dean closed his eyes and Castiel could feel him searching for his voice. After what seemed like an immense effort, he found it. "Which do you usually do?"

Castiel smiled at the sound of Dean's voice so rough and needy. "Men like to feel powerful, like they're in control," Castiel explained, stroking Dean's face and whispering against his cheeks, his jaw, his eyelids. "I'm in the business of giving people what they want. With men, they always want to fuck me. I let them because they need to feel in control."

"So you never fuck other men?" Dean asked, eyes closed, reveling in pure bliss at Castiel's touches and closeness.

"No," Castiel shook his head, caressing Dean's face and staring at it in reverence.

Dean opened his eyes and peered up at Castiel through his lashes. "Would you like to?"

Castiel swallowed. "Are you sure?" he whispered, not daring to believe that Dean was actually letting him do this.

Dean nodded and pressed his forehead against Castiel's, staring into his eyes. "Fuck me, Cas," he growled into Castiel's mouth.

"As you wish," Castiel breathed against Dean's lips. "But that's not going to happen if I'm still wearing pants."

Unlike Castiel, Dean Winchester did not waste time. His eyes didn't leave Castiel's as he quickly undid his jeans and yanked them downward along with his boxers. Castiel obediently raised his hips and helped Dean maneuver his legs out of the clothing before Dean threw the clothes aside and stared openly at Castiel's now-exposed hard and leaking cock. Castiel smiled as Dean licked his lips and swept his eyes up and down, taking in all of Castiel.

"Do you like what you see?" Castiel breathed, forcing Dean's chin up and looking into his eyes. Castiel smiled when Dean nodded and Castiel leaned in and kissed him softly. Dean moaned into the kiss and clutched frantically at Castiel, seemingly trying to touch all of him all at once.

"Shh," Castiel said softly, "slow down. We're doing this right. Lean back," he commanded gently. Dean leaned back until he was flat on the floor again, looking up at Castiel expectantly. Castiel climbed on top of him and straddled his thighs.

Castiel slowly traced his fingers lovingly against Dean's face, savoring this moment. Dean was so beautiful like this. At this moment, Castiel violently missed his angelic memory. As an angel, he would have remembered this image with perfect clarity for the rest of his life. Now as a human, he would be lucky if he could accurately recall five tiny details the next morning.

Castiel's fingers came to a halt at Dean's lips and he pushed one finger in between Dean's lips. "Suck," he ordered and Dean complied. Castiel hummed in pleasure at the feeling of Dean mouth surrounding his finger before he finally took it out and rose himself to a kneeling position, releasing Dean's legs. He gently spread Dean's legs, then brushed his spit-soaked finger against Dean's entrance.

He leaned forward so his lips were brushing against Dean's ear. "Relax," he whispered as he slipped his finger into Dean. He felt Dean tense a bit, but he kept whispering into Dean's ear until Dean relaxed around Castiel's finger inside of him.

After moving his finger around inside of Dean until Dean was feeling more comfortable, Castiel pulled his finger out of Dean and this time brought two fingers to Dean's lips. "Suck," he instructed again.

Dean looked up at Castiel as he took the fingers in his mouth and suckled at them. The fingers on Castiel's other hand carded through Dean's hair and Dean hummed in contended pleasure around the fingers he was sucking on.

Castiel gently pulled his two fingers out of Dean's mouth and he softly pressed them into Dean's ass. Dean gasped a little this time and Castiel pressed calming kisses to his neck, chest, and jaw until Dean relaxed again, letting Castiel use his wet fingers to scissor Dean open.

Castiel slowly pulled his fingers out again and this time brought three up to Dean's mouth. "Suck," he whispered as Dean met the fingers with his tongue and drew them into his mouth. Castiel kissed Dean's forehead and mumbled Enochian "I love you"s as Dean hummed blissfully around his fingers.

Castiel's fingers found their way out of Dean's mouth and back to Dean's entrance, where Castiel slowly and carefully pressed them into Dean. Dean moved experimentally into the pressure and Castiel explored with his fingers until Dean was relaxed and calm.

This time, Castiel moved so he was straddling Dean's chest, his cock brushing Dean's lips, when he murmured the command, "Suck."

Dean did, firmly covering Castiel with moisture before Castiel pulled away and positioned himself at Dean's ass. He then kissed along Dean's jaw as he pushed in, gasping at the pressure.

He pushed in slowly until he was completely surrounded by Dean and he carefully watched Dean's face as he slowly adjusted to the sensation.

When Dean finally opened his eyes and nodded at Castiel, Castiel started to move. He didn't break eye contact with Dean as he pulled slowly out then pushed back in again. Dean bit his lip at the sensation and, god, that was beautiful.

Castiel kept up his routine, in and out, gradually speeding up. In, out, in, out, in - then he hit something that made Dean's back arch and he breathed, "oh god oh fuck Cas." He hit the spot again on the next thrust, prompting Dean to clutch at him and whimper, biting at his lip again.

"Faster, Cas," Dean whispered, pulling Castiel close and breathing hard against his skin. So Castiel went faster and he hit Dean's prostate with every thrust and he watched in awe as Dean's eyes danced and his mouth gasped and his breaths quivered.

Dean held Castiel's face close to his own while he fucked him, so they were breathing each other's air. Always breathing each other's air.

And all Castiel could think as he breathed Dean's air and watched him come apart beneath him was that he had been with dozens of people and it had never felt like this. Never this amazing, never this raw, never this needy, never this beautiful, never this necessary.

Never like this.

Not even close.

Castiel knew he was going to come soon and he was faltering in his rhythm. He wanted them to finish at the same time, so he started stroking Dean in time with his thrusts, aiming to send them over the edge together.

As soon as Castiel's hand closed around Dean's cock, Dean made this animalistic needy sound and attacked Castiel's mouth with his own, kissing him hard and wrapping his legs around Castiel's body tightly.

Castiel lost it right there.

He came with Dean's mouth pressing urgently against his own, all of his finesse lost under the overwhelming flood of sensations and emotions. Dean came right after Castiel, his breaths stuttering and gasping.

They were both shaking as they felt their orgasms wash over them, and they leaned into each other's arms, clutching at each other, still breathing each other's air. Always breathing each other's air.

Castiel sighed as he slowly pulled out of Dean and he leaned back, eying Dean warily.

Dean's eyes were glazed over, blissed out. Unaware. Castiel recognized the look of someone who was so wasted and far gone that he might not even know his own identity. He knew the look because it was his look - the one he saw every time he was unlucky enough to catch a glimpse of his own reflection.

Castiel wordlessly gathered up his clothes and slid them on, then tossed Dean his. He leaned against the wall and watched as Dean covered up the body that he was sure he would never get the chance to see again.

Fully clothed, they stared vacantly at each other for moments before Castiel broke the silence. "You won't remember this in the morning, will you?" he mused.

Dean's lips quirked into a sad little smile. "No," he said softly, before backing out of the cabin and leaving Castiel alone in the night.

February 7, 2014

Dean remembered the next morning.

And the morning after that. And the morning after that. And the morning after that.

God, he wished he didn't remember.

But he did.

He really really did.

February 22, 2014

"So you're going to drive halfway across the country AGAIN to follow a lead that might not even be legitimate?" Cas demanded, eyes flashing angrily at Dean from across the table.

"Trust me, the lead is legitimate," Dean growled, eyes raking over Cas's features, lingering on his lips.

God he wished he didn't remember that night.

"How the fuck can you know that, Dean?" Cas asked exasperatedly.

"I have my ways, Cas," Dean replied, voice low. "You, of all people, know that."

"Torture isn't always effective, Dean," Cas spat. "Demons LIE."

"Not to me, they don't," Dean stared at Cas who glared back.

Cas must be really pissed, thinking that Dean doesn't remember that night. It must hurt.

"So," Chuck coughed, bringing Dean's attention back to the fact that they were in a meeting that did, in fact, involve other people. "Torture... that's... well, I mean it sounds effective maybe..."

Cas glared at Chuck because Chuck was taking Dean's side.

Dean glared at Chuck because he'd seen Chuck down at Cas's cabin on multiple occasions and he knew where that stupid stuttering mouth had been.

"You're not going on this mission, Dean," Cas growled before he stalked out of the cabin without a backward glance.

And that was that.

March 1, 2014

Dean had a shitty day, even shittier than usual, which reminded him that he had a really goddamn fucking shitty life. And his shitty life was all his fault, just like everyone's shitty life was all his fault and the world was ending and FUCKING GOD everything was so goddamn shitty.

He was walking back to his cabin and he was shaking like crazy and about to fucking cry which was really just NOT okay and he passed Cas's cabin and all he could think was just... CAS and god, he wanted, no, NEEDED Cas.

So he turned on his heel and marched up to Cas's cabin and stormed in, still shaking like a mad man. Cas was sitting cross-legged on his bed, smoking something (Dean didn't really want to know) and he arched an eyebrow at Dean curiously as Dean stood in the doorway glaring at him.

"Dean," he said calmly. "You never come to my cabin."

Dean just glared and marched over to the bed. He plucked Cas's whatever-shit-he-was-smoking out of his hand and threw it to the ground.

"Careful," Cas mumbled at him half-heartedly, looking up at him apprehensively.

Dean just glared even harder and kissed the fallen angel's goddamn annoying beautiful face.

Cas clutched back at him hungrily and climbed on top of him, grinding against him in their own familiar rhythm.

When they broke apart to breathe, Cas whispered, "You didn't forget, did you?"

Dean shook his head and kissed him even harder.

March 15, 2014

Castiel was lounging in his cabin after receiving a surprisingly proficient blowjob from Chuck (he was actually improving - good for him, Castiel thought), when Dean Winchester appeared in his doorway.

"You busy?" Dean asked, eyes roaming over Castiel's shirtless form.

"No," Castiel said, smiling coyly up at him.

Sure he had just gotten off a few minutes ago, but for Dean he could go again.

For Dean, he could go all night long.

April 28, 2014

Dean's visits to Castiel were rather frequent now. Dean never attended orgies or acknowledged any attraction to Castiel in public, but people knew. Castiel and Dean both slept with flocks of other lovers, but people still knew.

Dean and Castiel didn't even talk about it to each other. Not really. They didn't acknowledge anything special or romantic between them. It was just sex.

But they both knew it was more.

And so did everybody else.

People talked.

"I saw Dean come out of Cas's cabin AGAIN last night."

"Seriously? Wasn't he there the night before, too?"

"Does Dean even fuck dudes?"

"Apparently he does now."

"Do you see the way he looks at Cas, though?"

"They go way back, man. You know Cas used to be a freakin angel, right?"

"Yeah, I heard, is that true though?"

"Yeah and you know what else is true? He raised Dean from HELL."

"Seriously? Damn, no wonder they're so close."

"Why isn't he an angel anymore?"

"He fell... for Dean."

"Damn."

"You know Cas is the only person in this entire camp who Dean actually LISTENS to?"

"I know, even though he's the drug-addict hippie slut. What the fuck is even up with that?"

"It's because he's CAS."

"And?"

"And they love each other."

Dean and Castiel didn't talk about it.

But everybody knew.

It was okay, though. It's not like it was the end of the world.

Oh wait.

June 7, 2014

Castiel rode silently in the passenger seat as Dean drove them toward a nest of demons.

Castiel hadn't wanted to come. But Dean had said he needed backup and Castiel was the only one he trusted.

"Cas, I need you. I can't do this without you," Dean had said.

So Castiel had come.

They rolled up to an abandoned warehouse and Dean parked the car and the two wordlessly got out, armed with demon blades.

The plan? Kill all but one, one of the smaller ones, get her in a devil's trap, and watch Dean torture her until she spouted information that may or may not be true.

Top-notch plan.

Dean and Castiel stealthily entered the building, sneaking up behind demons and killing them silently until the demons detected them. Then they were all unbridled fury, swinging their blades and wiping out any demon that dared come near. Castiel was good at this, he knew. Even though he was wasted out of his mind, as always, he still had residual angel reflexes and instincts. No demon could beat him.

Dean and Castiel made quick work of all the demons, except for one, and Castiel went to capture her while Dean started to form the devil's trap. Catching her was easy; she was panicked and stupid. Castiel grabbed her and held a knife to her throat while Dean placed a chair in the devil's trap and took out some rope from his pocket.

Dean nodded at Castiel, so Castiel led the demon into the trap, holding the knife to her throat while Dean tied her up. He then trotted to the side of the room to lean against the wall and watch the show.

Castiel watched Dean peel off her skin, tantalizingly slow. He watched Dean dislocate every bone in her hands and in her feet. He watched Dean cut off her eyelids, forcing her to watch every horror she experienced. He watched Dean tear off each and every fingernail and toenail, slowly, one by one. He watched Dean cut off her clothes and then he watched Dean cut off her breasts. He watched Dean shove holy water into her mouth, into her nose, into her eyes, into her ears, and into her vagina.

None of this got them the information they needed.

Castiel watched Dean kill her in frustration, leaving the mangled body for the Croats to come and feast upon.

Castiel wanted to throw up.

Him and Dean fucked in the backseat of the car before going back to camp.

August 9, 2014

Castiel was on top of Dean, inside of Dean, leaving trails of kisses all over his body.

"I love you," he breathed in Enochian, feather-light breath ghosting over Dean's ear, making him shiver.

"I love you," he kissed the Enochian words onto Dean's neck, punctuating them with his tongue.

"I love you," he whispered in Enochian into Dean's mouth, catching with his tongue the moan he received in return.

"I love you," he cried out in Enochian as he came and collapsed boneless into Dean's arms and onto Dean's strong chest, furiously wishing he had the courage to scream those words in English.

October 2, 2014

"Become one with one another. Become one with the earth. Feel the energy of the love around you and sense the emotions throbbing inside each other's souls," Castiel said serenely to the group of young men and women sitting in a circle on the floor of his cabin.

Everything he was saying was bullshit, of course. But it calmed people down for whatever reason, so that's why he said it.

His mind wasn't in it today, though. His heart wasn't in it. He didn't even want to be here with these people, really.

He was going to be dead in less than 24 hours.

He knew this.

Dean had finally acquired the Colt and he was leading a group of them to kill the devil tomorrow.

Dean didn't say it was a suicide mission. In fact, he presented the mission optimistically, preferring to give the people false hope rather than a sense of impending doom.

But Castiel knew.

He knew that Dean was done. He knew that Dean had given up. He knew that Dean had no hope of winning this war anymore. He knew that Dean was tired. He knew that it was over for Dean.

And that was okay because when it's over for Dean, it's over for Castiel too.

Castiel tried to pull himself out of his melodramatic thoughts to address his harem, when suddenly he didn't have to.

He was interrupted by Dean Winchester, storming through his door, glaring at the world.

Some things never change, he thought fondly.

"Everybody out!" Dean thundered.

To the causal observer, Dean would appear to be overwhelmingly angry, but in reality, Dean was holding back tears.

Castiel knew.

Castiel knew because this was Dean Winchester.

Nobody had ever known Dean Winchester like Castiel knew Dean Winchester.

Castiel's harem quickly scattered and as soon as the room was down to a population of two, Dean flung himself at Castiel and let the tears pour out of his eyes. Dean buried his face in Castiel's collarbone and sobbed, broken and honest.

Castiel thought it was the most beautiful sound he'd ever heard.

Castiel rubbed soothing circles over Dean's back and shoulders and led him to the bed, murmuring sweet sentiments of comfort into his ears.

"It's okay, Dean," he whispered, sitting them down on the bed and pulling Dean close in his arms. "I've got you, Dean. Shhh..."

Dean disentangled himself from Castiel and looked up at him, face blotchy and eyes still leaking. Castiel reached out a hand and stroked his face, wiping away his tears. This elicited another broken sob from Dean.

"Cas," Dean choked out. "I love you. So much. I... I never wanted this. I never wanted it to end like this. I love you so fucking much, Cas. But it's too late. We're gonna die tomorrow, Cas. I... I'm sorry. I love you."

Castiel thought maybe he should be surprised because he hadn't seen this coming but then again actually maybe he had. He looked into Dean's eyes and he just knew. And maybe he'd known all along.

Dean hung his head in sorrow, but Castiel lifted his chin up and pressed their foreheads together, looking him in the eye. "I know," he whispered.

And he kissed Dean's salty tears off of his face and this time he breathed "I love you" onto Dean's skin in English. Dean whimpered when he heard it and he cried harder but Castiel didn't cry because he knew that he was dying but this? This was worth it. This is what he fell for.

It was painful, it was broken, it was heart-wrenching, it was raw, it was undeniably human.

But it was good.

"Dean," Castiel whispered against Dean's jaw as he kissed it, sliding in and out of Dean and savoring everything about this moment and everything that was DEAN. "I love you. I've always loved you. I forgive you. I could never not forgive you. You're my world, Dean. And I will follow you until the very end."

Dean closed his eyes and whimpered as Castiel kissed his forehead. "I will love you until the very end," Castiel breathed.

Castiel kissed his left closed eye lid. "I will die with you at the very end."

Tears poured out of Dean's closed right eye as Castiel kissed the lid. "I fell for you, and I would do it again."

Castiel kissed Dean's nose and whispered, "I will die for you, Dean."

Castiel rested his forehead against Dean's and for a moment they silently breathed each other's air, then Castiel whispered into Dean's mouth, "and if given the chance to do it all over again, I would die for you every fucking time,  
Dean Winchester."

They kissed as they both came, sucking in each other's air like it was their dying breath, which it kind of was.

That night was Castiel and Dean's first real night spent entirely together.

But it was also their last.

October 3, 2014

Castiel locked eyes with Dean and nodded a silent goodbye before turning around and leading his small army away from his love and toward his death.

He didn't look back.

He smiled at his fellow soldiers and he motioned to the path ahead.

"Shall we?" he smirked.

He didn't wait for an answer as he pressed forward to his doom and he didn't even blink before he registered a Croat flying at him and he shot himself in the head before the Croat could do the job for him.

Dean felt it when Cas died because he felt as if part of his soul had just withered away into nothingness.

Lucifer looked at him with his brother's eyes, except not really, because those eyes had never been so cold when they had been used by Sam.

"Your angel's gone, isn't he?" Lucifer said, his voice dripping with a mocking attempt at sympathy. "I'm sorry. I know you were in love."

"You don't know what love is, you bastard," Dean growled, tears streaming down his face.

He had already tried shooting the devil, even though he had known in his gut that it wouldn't work.

This was a suicide mission after all.

All the was left was the suicide part.

"No," Lucifer said calmly, stepping toward him. "See, I do know about love. I know all of little Sammy's memories and I know he loved you, Dean. It was a powerful kind of love. Just like you and your angel's. The stuff people write songs about. Beautiful, really."

Lucifer paused and blinked.

Suddenly, Dean was on the ground and Lucifer's foot was on his neck. "You know," Lucifer mused. "He loved you so much that he couldn't handle it when you left him. In fact," Lucifer paused dramatically. "The pain that he felt because of you... that's what drove him to say yes."

No...

Then everything went black.

Sam Winchester sat curled in the farthest, darkest corners of his mind, trying to block out what he was seeing.

But he couldn't.

He had watched Castiel, former Angel of The Lord, march to his death and he had felt Lucifer's smug laugh as the curtain closed on Castiel's life.

He had watched his brother's face crumple as the love of his life was wiped from existence and he had felt Lucifer's twinge of amusement as he witnessed it.

He had watched Dean's face become consumed with guilt and horror in the final seconds before his neck was snapped by a foot that used to belong to Sam himself.

Sam Winchester flung his hands over his ears and screamed until his throat burned. He felt tears pouring down his face and he felt his whole body shaking convulsively. There was no escape and everything that had happened, EVERYTHING, was his fault.

The world had ended.

There was nothing good and pure. Not anymore.

All because Sam Winchester had said yes.

**A/N: As always, please please review because I'm really quite anxious to see how this fic turned out in you guys' opinions. Xx **


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